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JVA - JEROAN VAN AICHEN: Terminal Saints

by jva

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1.
Silk Pt.1 00:47
SILK PT.1 It's all over me. Darkness swallows me. Falling, turning. Pitch black burning.
2.
Into The Sea 03:35
INTO THE SEA Well, the dice are loaded. And the game’s been rigged. You just kill your children when they grow too big. And it’s your thin dime. And your distant hope, And it’s your slack body creaking on the rope. Hey, off the cliff now, one by one. Oh, can’t you see what we’ve become? Follow me into the sea. Fall down on the double. Shoot straight into the air. You can’t win ‘em all, taps the skin on the snare. Well, it’s the same old trouble. It’s just a brand new day. We’re taking one last stab at the American way. Hey, off the cliff now, one by one. Oh, can’t you see what we’ve become? Follow me into the sea. Is it safe to come out? Are the graves packed tight? You’ve been feverishly working through the dead of night. But with a white straw hat, and a marching band. With a perfect smile, with an outstretched hand. With an “Onward ho!’, dripping cold red paint, you can fry in Hell with your terminal saints. Hey, off the cliff now, one by one. Oh, can’t you see what we’ve become? Follow me into the sea.
3.
BACK WHEN I WAS OLD Back when I was old, I could not say what was on my mind from day to day. Oh, my blood ran thick, my skin turned grey. All the doors were locked, keys tossed away. I will be watchful of your lips. That crafty smile you crack. I will keep watching mirrors. I don’t want a bullet in the back. I will not break the hand of Fate. I will not build a wall of hate. I will not speak. I will not breathe. You have my word... Back when I was old, I could not say what was on my mind from day to day. Oh, my blood ran thick, my skin turned grey. All the doors were locked, keys tossed away. I will be pure in thought and deed. I would not dream of money. I will be Jesus if I bleed. The red flows out like honey. I will not ever change my name. I will not play a sucker’s game. I will not rip. I will not tear. I’m perfect just like you. On the edge of appetite. I’m frozen to the spot. My mind plays funny tricks on you. I’m running cold and hot. Yeah. Back when I was old, I could not say what was on my mind from day to day. Oh, my blood ran thick, my skin turned grey. All the doors were locked, keys tossed away. Back when I was old.
4.
The Blue 03:53
BLUE I step on the airport rug. Dirty red like booze in blood. Run my fingers through my hair. Grey where there’s still something there. Years ago - a setting sun. I run like I just heard a gun. I lost my geography when you said those things to me. I believe in God above, with knuckles white as paper planes. I’m hanging on by fingernails to love I’ll never feel again for anyone but you... Heading into the blue. Another hundred million stars. A few more years beneath the scars. Time passes, burns to white, then explodes into the night. I realize there’s no retreating from all these things that I keep repeating. That’s fine -- it’s meant to be. I’m made of glass as you can see. You’re swimming inside the skin where you kissed me. I’m following you through futures and histories. Silver dollars thrown to chance. I took your face into my hands. Listening to the engine shake. I don’t want to die before I wake. I recall a distant night when all these pieces fit just right. We were so much younger then and only whispered true possession. True possession. I believe in God above, with knuckles white as paper planes. I’m hanging on by fingernails to love I’ll never feel again for anyone but you... Heading into the blue.
5.
Rachel 03:27
RACHEL Green tractor at an old red barn. A dog barks from a pickup truck. The crick chubbles beneath my feet. I’ve got a body tied up in a sack. Pawprints in the racoon mud. Wet nettles on my gooseflesh skin. Dirty water to my cold, dry lips. I’ve got my Rachel in my arms again. Bye bye, baby. Baby, bye bye. This time I really mean it. Bye bye, baby. Baby, bye bye. I told you all about me when we met. I said, “Listen, darlin’ can’t you see... I don’t know how to stop the things I feel. I got something burning up inside of me.” Bye bye, baby. Baby, bye bye. This time I really mean it. Bye bye, baby. Baby, bye bye. I love you baby more than heaven knows. I love you more than all these words can say. That’s why I’m burying your Sunday clothes. We’ll be together in a better place. I float my Sugar down the river’s joints. I watch it carry her and lay her down. The sun rises on her sinking nails. She’s going under now, without a sound. Bye bye, baby. Baby, bye bye. This time I really mean it. Bye bye, baby. Baby, bye bye.
6.
Run Along 04:02
RUN ALONG You never ring the bell. Can’t you dial a phone? You just barge right through the door. You better run along now...Gallagher. He’s not quite the wise old sage. But who’s listening anyway to this nowhere amateur? You better run along now...Gallagher. You never learn. Oh, a house could fall upon you. A ton of bricks...and nothing seems to get through. You open wide. You’ve just got to get your digs in. Thanks to you these clouds are disappearing. The blood flows to my head. My eyes fill up with red, and my ears begin to burn. You better run along now...Gallagher. You never learn. Oh, a house could fall upon you. A ton of bricks...and nothing seems to get through. You open wide. You’ve just got to get your digs in. Thanks to you these clouds are disappearing. You better run along now. You better run along now.
7.
VERY GOOD MAN (For Jim “Mac” McDonnell 1928-1990) Shoveling earth on another deep hole. See you soon. Covering up any traces of you. Spoon by spoon. This is the way you were spending your nights. No one knew. Who was that happy and confident man? Not a clue. Make it work. Watch it grow. Chop it down to the quick. Let it breathe. Give it room. Walk away. Let it die. What is the crime in these dangerous times? Secret love. Plowing through ten different faces a month. They go nameless. Keeping this out of the paper’s no trick. No one sees. Innocents hang so the jury may dine. What’s that mean? I don’t know. Never did. A lonely man needs to share. Holding tight. No one thinks. Time is now. Open wide. Very good man. Very bad blood. This is our future, now. I wasn’t there. I heard through the phone. He didn’t recall me or you. What can you do? It’s part of it all. You can remember ‘cause it’s in your head. Sha la la la la la... Make it work. Watch it grow. Chop it down to the quick. Let it breathe. Give it room. Walk away. Let it die. Very good man. Very bad blood. This is our future, now. I wasn’t there. I heard through the phone. He didn’t recall me or you. What can you do? It’s part of it all. You can remember ‘cause it’s in your head. Sha la la la la la... Sha la la la la la...
8.
Wide Awake 03:15
WIDE AWAKE Blue bottles filled with silver jewels. Black teeth and blood from human fools. I’ve never heard a voice so cruel. I’ve tiptoed on these wooden floors. This silence, loud as lion’s roars. And I won’t fight you anymore. Though you’ve pierced me to the soul, I would die to make you whole. Our lives move much too fast, Ramona. This precious moment’s passed, Ramona. I’m wide awake tonight... I’ve threatened fist and fire and chain. I’ve called you every childish name. You never seemed to feel the pain. Love is blessed, Love is blind. Lovers dream of gold and time. Every tear like holy wine. I’m the color of my chagrin. As I babble once again. Our lives move much too fast, Ramona. This precious moment’s passed, Ramona. Deaf as the sea. Heart in knots. Memories are all I’ve got. I’ve never known what’s good for me. But, I could’ve sworn that it was you... Our lives move much too fast, Ramona. This precious moment’s passed, Ramona. I’m wide awake tonight... I’m wide awake tonight... I’m wide awake tonight...
9.
SAY SOMETHING I have no idea why I still expect to find any human beings when I wait in a concert line. They make me feel like a fifteen year old kid when I’ve crossed the line on twenty-five. Now, everything I do is only fun upon reflection, my head pulls out with a little wet pop. And every time I try to share this new found information I feel like someone’s mother, or a priest or a cop. They said to listen, so I listen closely. I try to catch each word, I’ve got my glass to the wall. They said to listen, so I must have heard a line or two. But, what did they say to make us behave like animals? Something. Somebody said something. Something. Somebody did something. Or, could it be something somebody didn’t ever say or do? Everybody wants small talk. They want to waste your hand on a how-do-you-do. My patience is thinning. There’s no buried treasure, there’s no reward for being silent. I look into those eyes and I see me. I never wanted these things to take so long. All you see is the road when you’ve been gone. I never thought it was clothes that made the man. But, here I stand in my tweeds with empty hands. Something. Somebody said something. Something. Somebody did something. Or, could it be something somebody didn’t ever say or do? Or, could it be something somebody didn’t ever say or do? Or, could it be something somebody didn’t ever say or do?
10.
Glass Angels 03:04
GLASS ANGELS Dried flowers hanging on the wall. Loud voices coming down the hall. Gold-plated photos of husbands and their wives. Staring at memories from someone else’s life. Glass angels. Glass angels. Glass angels in the house of the moon. Plaster cherubs and a bust of Mary. Looking at me sideways, looking very scary. Now we have curtains drawn and the silence and bugs. And over in the corner’s a wine stain on the rug. Glass angels. Glass angels. Glass angels in the house of the moon. She bows her head in reverent prayer. My Madonna. On her knees right over there. No locks in this perfect world. No sins of a boy and girl. With every breath that you take I’m closer to Heaven. My life’s exploding with my mind sixes and sevens. Glass angels. Glass angels. Glass angels in the house of the moon. Glass angels in the house of the moon.
11.
Quiet Child 03:54
QUIET CHILD I walk this boontown road, earth as red as blisters. And I watch her sob like I’ve had time to really miss her. I didn’t want to break her heart. I didn’t mean to twist her. No one hears the sound of the quiet child. She’s the one who everybody said I would marry. But all those dreams only existed to be buried. A man can only live so long on chocolate and cherries. No one hears the sound of the quiet child. Silence, baby. Hush they say. Keep that voice inside you locked away. But speak up when you’re told. Why are you growing up so cold? You have become quite the quiet child. You have become quite the quiet child. Ooh, I thank my stumbling shoes for bumbling in your house. Through steel walls were the eyes soft as a silk blouse. And outside in the freezing wind there’s a peep just like a church mouse. You just heard the sound of the quiet child. Silence, baby. Hush they say. Keep that voice inside you locked away. But speak up when you’re told. Why are you growing up so cold? You have become quite the quiet child. You have become quite the quiet child. Silence, baby. You have become quite the quiet child. Hush they say. You have become quite the quiet child. Silence, baby. You have become quite the quiet child. Hush they say. You have become quite the quiet child.
12.
Swept Away 03:55
SWEPT AWAY I am standing at the door once again. Close enough to touch you. I see you through windows, expressionless. I can’t hold you, now. I can’t feel you, now. Welcome to my future, I’ve lived my past. I never thought of now, then. There you go again walking right through me. Reaching out my hands. Slipping through like sand. I want to be swept away I want to be swept away Swept away. If you close your eyes it all comes in clear. Right here in the silence. You can see my tears falling to the ground. That is all you see, but that water is me. I want to be swept away I want to be swept away Swept away. Touch the floor. Feel my soul. Now, you know. You look at me. I fade away. I want to be swept away I want to be swept away Swept away. Swept away. Swept away. Swept away.
13.
Silk Pt.2 00:35
SILK PT.2 It's all over me. Darkness swallows me. Falling, turning. Pitch black burning.
14.
Eight Rings 03:43
EIGHT RINGS Eight rings and I’m down in the driver’s seat, cause’ I want to be sure that you’re okay, tonight. No strings are tying you here to me. But when the porch lights off, you know, you give me an awful fright. Listening to you brings it all home too fast. Your sad eyes tearing me out of my past. That’s what we used to be. It’s as real as you and me when I listen to you. I’m just listening to you. I forget that you can take care of yourself. But I’ve got my reasons. I’ve got my memories. I just met myself for the first time and I don’t much care for the man who’s standing in front of me. Listening to you brings it all home too fast. Your sad eyes tearing me out of my past. That’s what we used to be. It’s as real as you and me when I listen to you. I’m just listening to you. Sometimes, you know, I feel a bit rusty. I can’t hold conversations like I did. It’s all talk, but I learned every word from you. So don’t look shocked if I act like a little kid. Listening to you brings it all home too fast. Your sad eyes tearing me out of my past. That’s what we used to be. It’s as real as you and me. That’s what we used to be. It’s as real as you and me when I listen to you. I’m just listening to you. I’m just listening to you. I’m just listening to you.

about

This is the second in a short series of releases from the JVA wayback
machine.

Terminal Saints was originally released on cassette back in 1993, and was the total sum of everything I'd been working on for several years down yonder in LA.
It was recorded, produced, and engineered by your ol' pal, me.
It features the JVA Band: Kent Besocke on bass, Faust on drums, and myself on guitar and vocals.
Plus, I even convinced my girlfriend at the time to sing on a couple tunes.
Incidentally, the girlfriend was Kim and eventually we got married.
She sounds great!

The creepy-cool cover drawing was done by my writer/musician/artist friend, Christian Keifer. A very talented man.

This is a way more ROCK type project than most of my records, which I put down to my youth, and also osmosis from the steady diet of Nirvana and Pearl Jam that we were all fed by the airwaves back in '93. Kapow!

TERMINAL SAINTS contains some songs that have ended up on my other records (in very different forms), and also some songs that no one's ever heard before.

I remember being really happy with this record when it came out, and several years later wanting to reissue it as a cd, but it just never happened.
Now with current easy download and stream technology I can finally share this project and others like it, with you. I hope you'll check it out.

credits

released April 28, 1993

Recorded, produced, and engineered by Jeroan van Aichen

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jva Portland, Oregon

Hi. I’m Jim Walker
I make music.

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